define:Grammar Nazi

Zis iz a grammar Nazi. Link.

I dooz not yuzualy kerr mooch for g[guttural sound]amer. (Yu dooz not SAY guttural zound, youz idiot, youz zimply zound ze guttural zound.) Yu zee?Zis iz vat I meen.

AAAz I vaz zaying, I zyuzshualy ouverloook ze mouuzt meeneenglessss of errrrors, laik zeeeez fyw:

Mizz Ward wraitz zis naitmerr of a sentence:

Ze quantity "a lot" eez written as "a lot". Too separrate vords. Such a common meesteik bozerz mee not. Enny ozer reespectebel leetereit vud cundemm such an atrocyty.

Meeez Vard, I vas juzt abaut to moov on ven I noutizt

ze absenz of an apoztrofee ven rrrytyng ze vord "Your" az a contracshon of "you are".

No vorryz. Such mystayks are eezyly ouverlooked.

Forgyv me, Myz Oussa, but ze vord"unbiast", sadly, duz not exyst. Ze correct term is spelt "un

biased".

Myzter Rozalez,

Zadly, yu emytomyze zee errors in wryten text that are NOT yzy to ouverlook:

I could not uunderztand prezyzly vat yu ver traying to zey here:

Ze numeruz errors dyztract ze reederr. I suugezt u correct zem.

Hyrr, I bylyv yu arre myzyng a "to be verb", making a complete, yet passive sentence: "I mean that is just ridiculous". A comma avter "mean" vudnt hrt yzer.

Hyrr, such an ymportant vrd as "reality" dyzervz adequate reepreezenteyshun.

Unless yu are attemptyng to dyscrrayb sumthing zat haz gon "off course" (az, I bylyv, yz not ze cayz hyrr),

ze adequate zpelling yz "of course", and may bee rypleyzt by ze morr sutl "obviously", "certainly", or "evidently".

My commanderr vud zertanly ztreiten you up, Rozalez, az he sayz von muzt alvayz "revise, revise, revise!"

Myzz Joveen, sadly I must tell you zat beeing of ze pyure raze yz no excuuse to have dezplycabl zpelling:

Here, ze vord is correctly spelled "dying". It iz a common myztake. Only commoners are excused. You have no excuze.

Maybe zis iz zom zort of typographical error, and I shall concede to you ze benefit of ze dout ven correcting ze spelling of ze vord "misinterpreted".

And finally, and inexcuzably zo, you attempted to pazz phrazez off az zentenzez. Zis yz yor firzt and faynal varning.

Myzter Dakyardy,

Alzou I zee a respectable atemt to avoid errors, nozing ezceypz my vell-treynd ay:

Here, better sentence construcshon vud be appreshyated: Ynsted of saying "...place they grew up in", a smoozer phrazing vud be "...place in which they grew up".

Here, ve see a common error in sentenz conztrucshon. It appeerz to be that yu attempted to pass off ze haylayted portion az a sentenze. I suggezt yu mend it.

Ouverall, our Italian friendz have proven to share our cuztomz in grammar and zpelling.

Myz Zantamarya,

Alzough yu have vizited our land, please refrain from kindling ze liberal-creative-neoliterary-reformist techniques in yor rrytyng:

Such vorks are forbidden. Ve muzt refreyn from all changes in lyterery style and customz. Lyterature muzt remain ze zame forever.

Alzo, I bet yu dydnt expect me to see ziz error:

Error.

MYzter Lynarez,

Let me just beegin by expressing my dyzapointment in ziz introducshon:

Von duz not "seats back and thinks", but razer "sits back and thinks".

Myzter Palazioz,

Anozer of ze fine raze, I vish to congrratyuleyt yu on ur exelent grammar and spelling. If you vish to upgreyd yor status, I suggest you improve pazive voyz and rreppettittivve word choice.

Myz Danyela Cueyar,

You arre behind on yur tax forms, and yor tithe to ze reich. If you zoo not fix zis, ze reich vill be forzt to take meazurz (firzt, labor camp remediation, zen you vill be deported and vanished from ze land and stripped of yor statuz az citizen of ze reich).

After a hard dayz vork, I must retire to complete my own tax formz to ze reich. Undeniably, zey vill be perfect and free of ze nearly-inexcusable errors I previously exposed. Ze personz I helped vill undeniably appryshyeyt my effortz in seyving zem from dire, possibly feytel consequencez.

Viktor Vaynberg

Grammar Nazi